Time Cop: Save the Guacamole, Save the Bat Mitzvah
by King in Yellow
Summary: Kim plans a surprise for Shego. Shego expects a different surprise. Bonnie finally goes to the mikvah. Ron and Bonnie's daughter celebrates her bat mitzvah. And an attack of appendicitis leaves Jane facing time lemurs without Junior's help, but she may receive backup from an unexpected source. Best Enemies series
1. California Dreaming

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage. NoDrogs created the original Kasy and Sheki in his story A Small Possibility. I changed their origin in my stories.

**California Dreaming**

Kim hoped the weekend would surprise Shego. Kim felt she had kept things hidden from her partner, but the redhead knew Shego's suspicious nature – Kim wasn't certain if it was the result of the pale woman's years as a criminal or the default setting for a lawyer – and she might suspect something despite Kim's best efforts.

It was obvious to Shego that Kim had something planned. Kim's strength was frontal assaults rather than subtlety, the younger woman almost seemed to abhor deception. When the redhead attempted sly it usually set off red flags in her partner's mind. Kim was up to something, her conversations on the phone suddenly ended when Shego entered a room, and the redhead became evasive when asked who she was talking with. Jane was obviously a co-conspirator, faithfully bringing in the mail and sorting it each day after school – a sure sign she was trying to eliminate postal evidence.

But while Shego believed Kim was planning something she wasn't certain what the plans were.

The family, and a large number of Middleton friends, were headed to California. Ron and Bonnie's daughter, Becky, was to celebrate her bat mitzvah and Bonnie would make her conversion official and celebrate her own bat mitzvah with her daughter. Shego, Kasy, and Jane had all been asked to read Torah for the ceremony. Shego tried to beg off – she had no ability with Hebrew and was basically memorizing her parsha by rote rather than being able to read it from the scroll. The green woman had been slightly surprised that Kasy was asked to read a parsha, and more surprised that her oldest daughter had so quickly agreed. While Bonnie was like a third mother to the twins there still must be Stoppable relatives and friends from the California congregation who would be more logical to ask for the honor.

The number of people from Middleton flying out to California seemed odd to Shego. Ron and Bonnie were back in Middleton often, but some of the people who had been invited were not close to the Stoppables and were still going.

Shego guessed that Kim planned a few romantic days for the two of them after the bat mitzvah. Jane was probably bringing in the mail to remove travel brochures. Kasy and Sheki, or perhaps Kim's parents, would probably agree to watch their little sister while Kim and Shego enjoyed a few days of peace in a quaint bed-and-breakfast overlooking the ocean before returning home. Shego hoped Kasy and Sheki would be able to keep Jane in line while they were gone. Shego checked her calendar at the office to make sure she wasn't scheduled for any trials, wanting to make sure she could enjoy her R & R with Kim without worries about her job when her partner sprang the 'surprise'.

The biggest flaw in Shego's theory was that Kim did not over-pack as they put together their bags for the California weekend. Shego would have sent extra clothing out UPS, to avoid the appearance of a longer stay being planned, but didn't think Kim would have had the idea. Perhaps Kim planned on shopping while there – or maybe Kim's plans didn't require any clothing for the two of them.

Sheki left Middleton a few days early with the Stoppables and Ronin to help Bonnie and Ron with table decorations and other preparations for the bat mitzvah, the lunch afterward at the synagogue and the party that night.

On the evening of the day Sheki and the Stoppables left Kim remarked during dinner, "So, when will Sheki and Ronin get married?"

"Maybe they'll skip marriage and just get surgically attached at the hip," Shego answered.

"Sheki wouldn't live in sin."

Shego snorted, "But she'd be willing to visit. I-"

"What's living in sin?" Jane demanded.

"Sin is a myth invented by Christians," Shego explained to the fourteen-year old. "It means that any time you're having fun you're supposed to think it's wrong and stop doing it."

"Shego, stop that," Kim hissed. She turned to the younger redhead, "Living in sin means to live together without being formally married. The church thought that if two people really loved each other and wanted to be together they should be married."

"So your mom's church thinks we're living in sin," Shego added.

"We were married. It was a beautiful ceremony right here at home."

"A Jewish ceremony. So I'm not living in sin. I don't know if a Jewish ceremony counts for your mom or not. Maybe she's living in sin," Shego told the teen.

"Eemah and I are not living in sin," Kim told her youngest daughter firmly. She turned to her partner, "You're being more impossible than usual this evening."

"Hard day at the office. Thought I'd share my misery with the family."

"You know, had you asked for sympathy I might have tried to find someway to make you feel better, but-"

"Really?"

"I'd have tried to find a way to make you feel _marvelous_. But when you tease me like that I—"

"How do you want me to tease you? And if I start being good is there any chance for your marvelous stress release?"

Kim looked thoughtful, "I don't know... You made fun of my church. That's a little hard to forgive. I don't make fun of your synagogue."

"I guess you're right. I mean, its not like you're supposed to forgive seventy times seven or anything."

"You're on sixty-eight times seven now. And I think that's only if the person asks for forgiveness."

"Ummmm," Shego purred, "Forgive me. I could really use some forgiveness tonight. I can make it worth your while."

"And on that note I'm heading over to Junior's," Jane told her mothers. "Or the mall. Or anywhere with peace and quiet."

"Take your parsha with you," Kim suggested. "We want Saturday to be special."

Junior was not feeling well when Jane stopped by his house. "Don't know what's wrong," cousin Joss explained, "but if he's not feeling better in a day or two Wade says he won't be able to go to California."

"Probably too much healthy eating," Jane suggested. "So, none of you would go?"

"I figure Wade will stay here. No need for us all to miss the shindig. I'll be there unless I come down with it too."

On Thursday Joss called Jane to confirm Junior and Wade would remain in Middleton. "He should be down one appendix when you get back."

_"Hope no emergency comes up,"_ Jane thought.

The family took a plane for Los Angeles at noon on Friday, wanting to leave early enough to insure that if there were any problems they could make other connections and still be there on time.

"Hey, Briana and her family!" Kasy exclaimed as they reached the waiting area for their gate.

"LA or connections elsewhere?" Shego asked when her family found seats by the DA and his family.

"LA," Alicia answered. "Steve has some kind of meeting and I thought it would be nice to go out as a family and do something."

"Your meeting anything I need to know about?" Shego asked the DA.

Steve smiled, "I'm afraid that's privileged information, counselor."

"Are you sure the disclosure rule doesn't apply?"

"Not in this case."

Shego turned to the DA's wife, "If you're not busy tomorrow morning you should come to the bat mitzvah. You know Bonnie and Ron, they'd be happy to see you for the simca."

"Simca?"

"Happiness, celebration."

"We weren't invited. It would be wrong to crash the service."

"It's a regular morning service. If they'd known you were going to be in LA I'm sure they would have invited you."

"I don't think we want to intrude on their special day."

Shego turned to Kim, "Tell them they wouldn't be intruding. I'm going to write down the address of the synagogue and threaten them if they refuse to take it."

Alicia turned to Kim, "Is it just me, or has she developed more of an attitude since she got her pardon?"

Kim sighed, "Believe it or not, this is the woman I fell in love with. She was really careful during those years she was on probation, but this is the real Shego."

"And you fell in love with her anyway? You're a saint."

The talk turned to law schools after Shego passed the slip of paper with the address to Alicia. Steve hoped Briana would attend Harvard Law, where he had graduated.

"Over-rated," Shego sniffed. "Sheki will get as good an education at Middleton Law – and it'll cost a hell of a lot less. You're just paying for that name on the diploma."

"That name opens doors."

"Can close doors too. People think you're just killing time 'til a better offer comes along if you have that Harvard degree... Hey, if she's looking for an internship some year mention ol' A.B.D. and Z to her."

"The firm ever going to change its name?"

"We're too well known under that name. And anyone seeing O'Ceallaigh on an ad would look for a law firm they could pronounce."

The flight was routine. Kim got out her cell phone as soon as the plane landed to call Sheki and let her know they had arrived. Shego noted the behavior as unusual, but couldn't fit it into her assumption about what Kim might have planned.

Sheki and Hana were waiting for them when the airport shuttle arrived at the hotel. The Possibles were in a large two bedroom suite. Kim and Shego had the king-sized bed in one bedroom with Hana sharing the two queen-sized beds with the three sisters in the other. "Mom and dad's room is two doors down," Hana explained. Shego wondered if Ronin had spent the last few nights in his room at Ron's home or here with Sheki.

The bat mitzvah party, or more properly the bat mitzvah parties, would be at the hotel the following evening. One ballroom, with DJ, would be for the teens, while the adjoining ballroom, with full bar, for the celebration of Bonnie's official conversion to Judaism.

Kim's slightly odd behavior continued as the women prepared for the Stoppable family dinner and last minute instructions for the ceremony in the morning.

"I don't think I can make it tonight," Kim apologized to Shego. "You go ahead with the girls."

"What's wrong?"

"Headache."

Kim looked fine. She was skipping the dinner with Ron and Bonnie the night before the double bat mitzvah? Something was definitely peculiar. "You're sure?"

"I'll be fine. Just need to rest."

"I can stay here with you," Sheki volunteered.

"Oh, that would be wonderful," Kim told her.

That only fueled Shego's suspicion. Even if Kim had a real headache, which Shego was beginning to doubt, she would have insisted Sheki go to the dinner.

"You drive, Sheki," Shego told her dark-haired daughter. "I'll stay with your mom."

"NO!" Kim objected. "I mean, you have a part in the service tomorrow. You have to go."

Shego shrugged, "It's a bat mitzvah. I survived Kasy and Jane's bat mitzvahs. I know my parsha. I show up tomorrow and do my part. You're important to me, I'll just stay here with you."

Everyone seemed to squirm at the suggestion, to Shego's amusement. "Eemah!" the sisters protested. "You have to come to the dinner. Everyone is counting on you."

"Ron and Bonnie would be most disappointed by your absence," Hana argued.

"They'll understand. Kim needs me here. I can't-"

"Please," Kim begged. "You have to go. I'll be fine, I... I'm feeling... Just go, the dinner is important. You and Kasy and Jane are in the service, you have to be there tonight."

"You really think I can desert you when you're too sick to go yourself? No, I insist on staying."

"Don't make me fight you," Kim threatened. "I'd end up too exhausted for the service tomorrow."

"You're sure?" Shego asked.

"I'm sure," Kim assured her, giving her partner a gentle push towards the door as Kasy and Jane each took an arm and pulled.

"Hana has the keys," Sheki shouted as the rest of the family and Hana went out the door and Kim breathed a sigh of relief.

Shego attempted to apologize to Bonnie for Kim's absence, but the brunette waved it off, "She called to say she forgot a couple things and had to do some shopping," she assured the pale woman before Shego could explain that Kim had claimed a headache. Clearly there was a wide ranging conspiracy at work and Bonnie was a part of it. While Shego was aware something was going on she had to give Kim credit for the fact she had no clue what it actually was – although it had to be something bigger than the original idea of a couple extra days in California before heading home.

"How's the head?" Shego asked when she returned to the hotel with the girls.

"Head?" Kim asked, feeling slightly lost.

"Your headache, remember?"

"Oh, the headache. I'm fine now. I just needed to lie down for a little while."

Shego glanced into the bedroom. "Nice of you to make the bed."

"I, uh, took a nap on the couch out here."

Shego decided if she didn't learn what was going on soon she would be reduced to extreme interrogation tactics. Fortunately either Kasy or Jane would usually cave in when a bribe was offered. There was an over-priced pair of shoes Jane had been begging for, and if Shego hadn't learned the reason for Kim's odd behavior by tomorrow afternoon it was likely daughter number three would soon be wearing them.

Kim's odd behavior continued the next morning as the family got ready to leave for the service. Kim dawdled, and procrastinated, and changed outfits three times as Shego waited impatiently to leave and Kasy and Jane left for the synagogue with the Stoppables.

"Move your ass," Shego barked, "what's wrong with you! This is a big day for Ron and Bonnie! We're going to miss the start of the service."

"You always miss the start of the service in Middleton."

"I don't always miss it, and this is special."

"We'll be there for the Torah reading," Sheki assured Shego. "As long as we're there for your parsha you're fine."

"I'm the fourth reader! You know Bonnie and the rabbi will be having nervous breakdowns if we don't get there soon."

"Well yelling at me won't get us there any faster," Kim told her. "And I'm ready now. Sheki, you drive. If we get pulled over for speeding we'll be late for services."

The parking lot was crowded as they pulled in. "Damn, just let me out-" Shego ordered.

"Oh, look," Kim pointed out. "Ronin has saved a good spot for us."

The young man waved them into a prime location and the three women quickly left the rental car and headed for the sanctuary. "There are seats reserved for you in the second row," he told them.

"Just let me grab a souvenir yarmulke," Shego told him as they walked through the lobby. Shego felt anger towards Kim that there were no yarmulkes outside the sanctuary, "This is what we get for you making us late," she said in an accusing tone.

"I set some aside for you," Ronin assured her. "Quickly, inside, they will be opening the ark in a minute." As the trio went into the sanctuary an usher in the narthex pulled out a box of yarmulkes commemorating the bat mitzvahs. Ronin sat down with the Stoppables in the first row.

As the the three women found their reserved seats on the second row the green woman decided to not speak to Kim for fear of venting her anger and yelling. Maybe she would forgive her partner, but it was going to take time to work through her frustration. Kim was showing utter disrespect for her Judaism.

Shego took a deep breath and tried to calm down. She was a little surprised no one told her how relieved they were that she had made it to the service or ask why they were late so she could blame Kim for the delay. She was also a little surprised, given how packed the synagogue was, that the partition separating the sanctuary from the High Holy Days overflow seating wasn't open. She looked around to see if the Crandalls had come to the service. She recognized many faces, but couldn't see the DA's family. Everyone from the Casa Possible days was there, Justine with Felix, Monique with Will and her kids – She recognized the man in the Air Force uniform as Monique's brother Martin, Zita sat with the rest of the Possibles. Shego could attach names to a couple of the former Middleton cheerleaders she noticed in the congregation, and to none of the block of vaguely familiar faces she remembered from Aaron's bar mitzvah as Ron's co-workers.

Minutes after sitting down everyone rose as the ark was opened and two Torah scrolls were carried through the congregation. With the closing of the ark the cantor gestured for all the Torah readers to gather on the bema. As they gathered on the platform one of the gabbis found the week's portion in the scroll and the other used a yad to point to where the reading began, then handed the yad to Ron's dad for the first reading. Jane took the second reading, and Bonnie the third.

Like Shego Bonnie had not learned Hebrew as a child and relied on memory for much of the trope. But the actress was too professional to let it show and chanted her parsha beautifully. "You're a tough act to follow," Shego whispered loudly enough for many in the first rows to hear and laugh at as the green woman replaced Bonnie in front of the Torah. The gabbi pointed out where her parsha began and handed her the yad.

Before Shego could begin her parsha a noise distracted her. The partition separating the overflow seating from the rest of the sanctuary was being opened. The first person she saw on the other side was one of her brothers. Another brother, and his family came into view as the panels moved back. Shego stared in disbelief. It looked like half the congregation of her Middleton synagogue was there, most of her law firm was there along with a number of the Legals. The Crandalls were sitting with the out-of-state lawyers. Other Middleton friends were present, and even a couple of her distant Canadian cousins.

Suddenly aware of what Kim had been planning Shego broke down and started to cry. Kasy and Jane quickly moved to either side and put an arm around her. "Damn it, Kim," Shego muttered, "I'm pissed... I... I hate it when people see me cry." Suddenly remembering where she was Shego added, "I mean damn it in the best possible way." In the second row Kim and Sheki hugged each other and Kim felt tears of joy in her own eyes.

While Shego composed herself the rabbi made a brief statement. "I've done many double bar matzvahs before, two with children and parents who were converting. I've even had a triple-header before. But I confess this is my first surprise bat mitzvah. For those visitors who have not attended a ceremony before bar mitzvah means 'son of the commandment' and indicates a boy has reached an age where he counts as an adult in the congregation. Bat mitzvah means 'daughter of the commandment'. When a Jewish boy or girl reaches the prescribed age they are a bar or bat mitzvah. It requires no ceremony. Because it represented an important milestone in Jewish life it came to be observed on the next Sabbath after the birthday. The ceremony itself is called what the young man or woman becomes – a child of the commandment. The ceremony doesn't make you a bat mitzvah, the birthday does. Bonnie went into the mikvah this week and today we rejoice that she finally made it official." He turned to Bonnie, "We've all been worried we were offending you somehow. When the Board meets we often discuss if we all needed to change our brand of deodorant or toothpaste so you'd accept us."

The congregation laughed, he turned back toward them. He gestured to Shego's friends to his right, "You, of course, know Sharon O'Ceallaigh's story and some of us here know it through the Stoppables. Her great-grandparents lived in Eastern Europe. At the start of the war they sent their only son away with other children who were taken to England. During the war they had a daughter, who was given to Christians to raise before the parents themselves died in a concentration camp. Sharon's grandmother came to the US years later. She never accepted her Jewish heritage, nor did her daughter. Sharon returned to the faith of her great-grandparents of blessed memory, and was even able to unite her grandmother with the older brother who had since moved to Canada. Neither had even known they had a living relative. I will let the scholars argue about when Sharon because a bat mitzvah. Perhaps it was when she became of age – like Becky today. Perhaps it was when she accepted her Jewish identity – like Bonnie today. But today we celebrate her bat mitzvah with her friends."

Shego went through five tissues while the rabbi was speaking, but was calm enough to try and move forward as he finished. In addition to the happiness she felt over the surprise she also took comfort in the fact any mistakes she made in her reading would be blamed on the emotions of the moment – although given how well she had rehearsed her parsha it is likely any mistakes she made were the result of the emotions of the moment.

Kasy and Jane stayed on either side of Shego as she read from the Torah, then moved to the chairs at the back of the platform as Aaron went to the Torah for his portion.

Jane thought she noticed a faint blue light on her Chrono. She frowned, if she hadn't imagined the blue tone the temporal spatial anomaly was too small to set off an alarm, but even small time cooties spelled trouble. She glanced out, she hoped Dr. Renton wasn't wearing a Chrono or didn't notice the potential trouble if she was.

"Stop fidgeting," Shego warned her daughter.

Aaron finished his reading and gave Jane a smile as he went to the back of the bema to sit by Bonnie. Hana moved to the Torah for her reading.

A yellow light flashed briefly on Jane's chrono, she needed to talk to herself. _"This had better be nova important,"_ she thought. _"Why don't I just take care of it for me so I can just stay in here?"_

The light blinked again and Jane stood to leave.

"Where are you going?" Shego demanded in a whisper.

"I gotta go,"

"Why didn't you think of that before the service?" her mother demanded.

"I didn't need to go then, sorry."

"If you got to go, you got to go," the green woman admitted.

"Sorry," Jane apologized and headed towards a door to the right side of the platform. _"And I don't have Junior with me. I hope I'll stay and help myself."_


	2. I Give Myself Very Good Advice

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

**I Give Myself Very Good Advice**

I'd probably jumped in a couple miles away and hiked in to keep the time cooties low enough to avoid detection by Dr. Renton. The Time Dome monitors sound an alarm for the smallest disturbance, but field Chronos are less sensitive. I couldn't remember the conversation I was about to have, so I was probably dealing with a me+. That made life easier, whatever bathroom I went into I should find me waiting to talk to me.

I stood by the sinks, I looked about two years older and not very happy. "What's the problem?" I demanded.

"Well I'm missing Eemah's big day."

"So am I," I reminded me+, "and you're the one who called me away. It had better be serious."

"It's big, two major problems. First… Hold on; let me switch Chronos with you. You'll need a six point five."

"Nice," I said, handing me my five, "can I keep it?"

"Sorry, I'll swap it out at the Dome with you next time. You're wearing the five in two months on a mission."

I+ strapped my five onto her wrist, "I was so glad when I finally got rid of this."

"What'll this do?" I demanded, holding up the new Chrono on my wrist.

"Better shielding from other Chronos—"

"Dr Renton?"

I+ nodded yes.

"Did you jump directly here? There was lag between the cooties and your signal."

I smiled at me for catching the difference in time between my arrival at now and the synagogue. "Better shielding; not perfect. You might make it out once without a problem. At least a mile would be better - not enough cooties to alert the boss. Bring comfortable shoes. Oh, the Trendiqué is a good spot to jump. You'll see the cutest pair of boots and—"

"Anything else this Chrono'll do?" I asked myself. One of me needed to stay focused.

"It'll jump two. You set the mass calibration for—"

"It's just me," I reminded me. "Junior's got appendicitis. You said two big problems?"

"Yeah. First problem, today's my first experience with time lemurs."

"Time lemurs? Never heard of them."

"Well of course not, I just told you – this'll be my first experience with them. We still don't know their origin – whether it's some artificial genetic mod or just weird evolution. Actually, a plus told me Junior got it figured out, but I wouldn't tell me the answer."

"And I could have been lying to me."

"I lie to myself a lot, don't I?"

"I wish I could get over it, but it's safer this way. Back to time lemurs."

"Right, nasty little things. I've suggested a refuge for them on the surface of the sun."

"Nothing could survive the surface of the sun."

"That's the point. I've faced them, you haven't. You'll agree soon enough."

"What's the problem with them?"

"Today you learn they really like avocados. You'll learn some other foods later, but today it's avocados. You'll also learn they don't leave time cooties. They—"

"Then why are you calling them time lemurs if they don't double-t?"

"They do double-t, but they don't leave cooties."

"That's impossible."

"That's what I thought the first… I mean, I know that's what you'll think. You won't believe it next time either. You'll figure they just do spatial displacement and not… Oh, they're really good with the spatial. Watch your back."

"Any special instructions on dealing with them?"

"Sorry… You have no idea how sorry… I still haven't figured out a good way to fight them."

I really hoped I was lying to myself.

I+ had one piece of advice, "I bribed them once, but won't work today."

"What did you bribe them with, and why won't it work now?"

"I bribed them with avocados, but it's guacamole heaven for them in the synagogue kitchen this morning. So it wouldn't work."

"Anything else?"

I thought for a minute before telling me, "Two pieces of good news. Today's my easiest fight with them, and you won't learn that they're techsav."

"Techsav?"

"Techno-savvy. They know how to operate technology. We learn that on our second fight. No evidence they invent, but they have some kind of instinctual ability to know how to work stuff and maybe how to repair it. Maybe some future lemurs turned a time machine on themselves and they got the jump power that way. A plus told me they get flop guns someday."

"Flop guns?" I hated when a plus tried to make me feel dumb. Half the time I was probably lying to me.

"Some kind of future riot control. Short range neural disruption. Get hit and for about ten to fifteen minutes your muscles won't listen to your brain."

"Joy. But they're not armed today?"

"Nope. In about fifteen minutes they'll arrive and you need to get rid of them."

"You just said I don't know how to get rid of them."

"I said I don't know any good way for me to get rid of them."

"Fifteen minutes? Why'd you call me so early? What am I supposed to do, wait here for the Chrono to show time cooties when they jump in?"

"I told you, they don't leave cooties."

"_I must be soft in the head. You can't double-t without time cooties."_ "Why call me to early if I can't do squat? I should be in the service."

"I told you. Two big problems today."

"Oh yeah. Lemurs were number one, what's the second?"

I+ pointed to the closed door of the last stall in the women's room. "That is." She addressed the unseen occupant. "You can come out. I remember you're there."

The metal door swung open and my cousin, Catlyn Possible, stared at both of me. She stared back and forth between me now and me+. "What's going on?" she asked nervously. "Who are you?"

"Going to take about fifteen minutes to explain things to her," I+ warned me. "And now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to hoof it out of Chrono five range for a jump." I+ nodded and left the restroom, leaving me to face Cat alone.

"She looked like you, only older."

"She was me… Can you just forget you heard anything and go back to the service? I've got problems."

"Time lemurs. I heard… What are time cooties? And Chronos? How could you be here talking to yourself? What—"

I held up my hand to silence Cat. "I've got a problem. I don't have my partner. And I don't have time to explain Time Cops. Just forget you—"

"Time Cops? Junior's your partner."

"Go back to the services. I'll handle this. Just don't tell anybody what you heard – especially my moms."

"Why not? They don't know about this Time Cops thing?"

"No, now—"

"I'm going with you."

"What?"

"I said; I'm going with you. I'll help. Junior's not here and I'll—"

"I didn't say Junior was my partner."

She raised one eyebrow, "I'm not dumb. Junior's smart. You're good at martial arts, but Time Cops sounds like something for a brain person. Junior's your partner."

"Okay, Junior's my partner. You're not as smart as Junior. You're not good at martial arts like I am. Why do I need your help?"

"Because if you don't take me with you I'll tell your moms."

I almost sneered, "You wouldn't," but I knew darn well she would. "Fine," I sighed, "just try not to get in my way."

"Tell me about the Time Cops thing."

"No, you know too much already."

"That other you said you had fifteen minutes to explain things to me. You have thirteen minutes left."

I rubbed my right hand over my face in disgust, and started answering her questions.

Several minutes later Cat stopped me. "We need to head for the kitchen."

I'll give Cat credit for her ability to watch a clock. I mean, I thought I was good from my practice in geometry class, but Cat must really be talented. We'd just reached the door to the synagogue kitchen when we heard the shrieks coming from within. The swinging doors burst open as half a dozen caterers burst out. Caterers are a superstitious and cowardly lot, prone to run at the slightest whiff of danger. But the time lemurs were going to learn they were facing something tougher than caterers today. I smacked my right fist against the palm of my left hand and nodded to Cat, "Let's go. We got a bat mitzvah to save."


	3. Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

**Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!**

While Becky read Torah Shego speculated that Kim and Sheki had probably eaten dinner the night before with the green woman's family and friends. As the Torah was returned to the ark Shego wondered what had happened to Jane. Bonnie and Becky shared the honors on the d'var Torah, doing a shared dialogue without slipping into the stereotype of a 'smart' one explaining things to a 'slower' one. Shego wondered if Bonnie and Becky had written it all or if Mary Bowman had polished the script.

During the d'var Shego caught Kim's eye and silently mouthed, "I love you." She hoped it made up for all the anger she had felt when Kim delayed their arrival so that Shego's friends and family could arrive unseen.

The rabbi and president of the congregation stood to congratulate Bonnie and Becky. The rabbi apologized to Shego, "You'll get a reception in Middleton next Shabbat, so forgive us if we don't welcome you as a member."

Becky was welcomed to full membership without incident. As they congratulated Bonnie on her official conversion there was a call of, "Grab her," from the back of the sanctuary and the rabbi and president each took hold of an arm as a woman brandishing a gavel stormed down the aisle and onto the platform.

Some of the Middleton visitors were concerned, but the California congregation knew what to expect.

"Bonnie Rockwaller," the woman with the gavel announced in a solemn voice, "for years you've been putting us off. You've been a loyal member of the Sisterhood. You've organized fundraisers and produced Purimspiels. We could count on you for anything with one exception. You refused to hold office because you claimed it would be wrong until you'd been to the mikvah. Well your days of excuses are over, you can no longer delay the inevitable." She handed Bonnie the gavel. "You are now the head of Sisterhood. And would you please explain what kept you?"

Bonnie shrugged. "I guess I should have made it official years ago. At first I felt I didn't know enough. Then my jobs kept me busy. Since I was a member and everyone accepted me it was easy to put it off. Finally a couple years ago I decided to buckle down and celebrate with Becky."

The president of the congregation planned to keep his remarks short, but they were cut even shorter when the caterers rushed in, shouting something about wild animals in the kitchen. Given the earlier theatrics at the service their claims were initially met with skepticism – everyone thought it was some kind of joke and it took a few minutes before they were questioned seriously.

"Wild animals?"

"They looked sorta like monkeys or something."

The reference to monkeys made those who knew Ron's history think it was a joke connected with him – either an idea from him or aimed at him.

"Where did they come from?"

"I don't know. They were just there. They started getting into the guacamole. They just kept coming-"

"They had to come from somewhere."

"Yeah, but where? It was like there was one, and then another, and another, and another."

"How many of these monkeys were there?"

"Not sure... There were probably at least a half dozen when we decided to get out. It could be waist deep in them for all we know."

Will Du turned to Monique's brother Martin, "We need to investigate this claim."

"I'll come too," his son David volunteered.

"No, you stay here with-" Will noticed a 'don't treat him like a child' glare from Monique. "Stay towards the back until we know for certain what's happening."

Several other men, including some from the congregation said they would go, and guide the guests.

"Maybe we should call the police, or animal control or something," a member of the congregation suggested.

"First we investigate," Will announced – taking control. "Marty?" Monique's brother nodded. "If the level of danger is exaggerated we can handle it quickly. If there is a real threat we find a way to keep the animals from getting into the sanctuary and causing real panic."

"I'm in," Shego's brother Ed added.

"So am I," Kim told him.

"No you're not." Kim opened her mouth to protest. "You need to stay here for the service," Will reminded her.

Kim hated to admit it, and resented the way Will assumed a leadership position for himself, but he was right. "Thanks."

Will added two or three of Ron's co-workers, Tim and Jim Possible, and a couple men from the congregation from the volunteers and asked one of the congregants to lead them. As the group walked down the long hall they heard noises. It was not as loud as they might have expected from the panicked reports of the caterers, but there was something going on in the kitchen. Now that they were close Will waved the man guiding them back. Suddenly the noise of commotion in the kitchen ended, there were a few sounds which could have been whispered conversation, then silence. The synagogue member moved back reluctantly. It was his house of worship and he wanted to see what was happening. He also felt some apprehension over the possibility there was some danger and didn't mind this stranger and the military officer taking the point position. Jim Possible moved up to Will's left.

There were windows in the kitchen's large double-doors. There was no obvious movement visible and Marty pushed open the right door as Jim pushed open the left.

A mess greeted the eyes of the men, but a smaller mess than they would had expected based on the initial story. It seemed to be limited to the left edge of the kitchen, around a large mixing bowl where caterers had prepared guacamole to spoon into smaller serving bowls. To the right of the kitchen large bowls of salad remained untouched under cling plastic covers, along with dishes of cream cheese, baskets of bagels, and bowls of gefilte fish and pickled herring.

"What happened," one of Ron's co-workers asked – although none of the men there had any more idea than he did.

Several men had moved closer to the center of chaos, "Animal, or perhaps more accurately a number of animals," Will answered, pointing to some paw marks created by mashed avocados on the counter and floor. "At least one person was here. That's a shoe-print made after the guacamole was going thrown around – although it might have been one of the caterers, there's not enough for a clear image." He took out a pen and his cell phone. "I'm going to get some photos of these prints, I'll use the pen to provide size perspective and we can figure out what creature—"

"No," a member of the congregation told him.

"Pardon?"

"No pictures in the synagogue on the Sabbath."

"This is a crime scene!"

"If animals are doing what animals do, is it a crime?" a second member of the congregation asked. "Something was here, made a mess, and left before it, or they, could make a greater mess. No picture taking."

"It was a primate of some kind," Will said, "I'd like to know what." He put his cell phone away. "At least I can make a sketch," he said as he looked around for a piece of paper to draw on with his pen.

"Uh, actually no using pens either. But the real question is that." He pointed to a large semi-circular slice from the stainless steel countertop which was gone, as neatly as it if had never existed or had been hit with a disintegration beam. A section of counter under the effect was gone as well, opening up the storage area. An electrical cord for a mixer had been stretched out and was missing a section from one side of the missing counter to the other side, and the edge of a stack of small bowls was also neatly gone.

The 'slice' out of the counter was so smooth the visitors hadn't immediately realized it wasn't part of the kitchen design.

"Wonder if that got rid of the monkeys, or whatever they were," Martin said aloud.

"And that certainly looks like a crime," Will said firmly.

"Looks more like a 'heck if I know'," the second congregant said. He hesitated a moment. "Use your phone, call the police. Let them take the pictures."

"It looks like it might be safe for the caterers to finish their work," someone suggested.

"While I concur to some degree," Will noted, "We need to cordon off this area," he gestured to the space around the large mixing bowl and missing section of counter, "pending the full investigation."

"And I think some of us need to stay, just in case whatever it was comes back," Martin volunteered. He was finding out that Jewish services went a lot longer than he was accustomed to and wouldn't mind kitchen patrol under the circumstances.

Shego's brother Ed volunteered to stay as well, since one of him was plenty if there was need for manpower.

Martin looked around at the food for the luncheon, "I've never been to one of these before. I always heard… I dunno… that they were fancier."

"I've been to some that were very different," Will told him. "A couple on the east coast must have cost a fortune. It was explained to me that each synagogue sets its own rules and some are more concerned with the concept of equality." He looked at a congregant who had remained in the kitchen.

"We actually call it modesty. In some congregations wealthy members throw a lavish Kiddush after a bar mitzvah, so it is very obvious who are the wealthy in the congregation and who can't afford that kind of spread. There are congregations that allow the family to pay for a lavish luncheon for some – but they may not invite the whole congregation or sometimes they even have two levels – the 'special' lunch and what they serve to everyone else. Then there are congregations like ours with modesty rules. No kosher meat – too expensive, some families couldn't afford to provide it for everyone. We suggest bagels and salads. We encourage families and friends to do most of the work themselves – but with so much of Ron and Bonnie's family being from Middleton and Sharon's family being out-of-state they decided to cater - but had to remain in the modesty guidelines. We also require all members of the congregation be invited, no treating them like second class citizens in their own synagogue. I'd guess the party tonight will be expensive."

Martin smiled and nodded, "Like that idea. You called it a modesty rule?"

"Right."

Some of the caterers refused to go back into the kitchen. They worked on the dining tables in the fellowship hall and the kitchen 'guards' pitched in to help with final food preparation.

The forensics team had just arrived to take pictures and feel clueless in the kitchen as the congregation streamed in and the rabbi pronounced the kiddish to start the luncheon.


	4. Out of the Frying Pan

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The characters from Kim Possible are all owned by Disney. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

**Out of the Frying Pan**

I wasn't sure what to expect as Cat and I hit the door into the synagogue's kitchen. Okay, I was told it was going to be time lemurs – but I was a little unclear on what a lemur was. I mean, it's not a word you use everyday, right? You don't see a flock of lemurs on your way to school in Middleton. You don't wear one when the weather gets cold. You don't find them in the produce aisle at the grocery store… Okay, maybe if I+ was right you might find them in the produce aisle scarffing down food, but off the top of my head I didn't exactly remember what a lemur was until Cat and I made our grand entrance.

"Oh, look," Cat squealed, "aren't they cute?"

I told myself I really remembered what lemurs looked like – it had just slipped my mind for a minute. They looked kind of like the ring-tails at the Middleton zoo, except a little bigger and some reddish coloring.

"They aren't cute, " I snarled, "they're making a mess."

"You can be cute and make a mess," Cat reminded me primly.

It was hard to tell how many there actually were, eight or nine would have been my guess. But it wasn't exactly like they would sit still and let me take an accurate census. There was a big mixing bowl of guacamole beside a stack of small serving bowls. The lemurs were gathered around the big bowl grabbing handfuls of the stuff and shoveling it into their mouths. Gross! I was thinking it was as bad as Kasy and… And then I realized even Kasy has way more self control than that.

"What do we do?" Cat demanded.

Here was my chance to show her I was in charge of this fight, but I didn't have a clue. I decided to find out just what I was up against and took three steps towards the lemurs. They didn't like that. The ones sitting with their backs toward me scrambled around to the other side of the bowl. Two of the primates threw handfuls of guacamole at me. One missed completely – I imagine it's pretty hard to throw something that sticks to your hands like that – and the other one managed to hit my dress. That made me mad, "You damn, dirty apes!" I shouted at them. I don't really remember where that line comes from. And I wasn't sure if they were apes or not. But somehow it seemed appropriate.

I grabbed one by the scruff of the neck. It's always a good idea to stay away from teeth when dealing with animals you don't know… May even be a good idea to stay away from the teeth of animals you know. He didn't seem to like it and scratched me. I know for a fact I didn't like that and I gave him a toss.

And before any of you PETA people get on me I didn't throw him hard. I just gave him a little toss in the direction of the exit door hoping he could take a hint. I mean, they got in here some way didn't they?

"Jane!" Cat protested at my toss.

Before she could finish her objection I learned the lemurs have got the spatial displacement thing down real well. I was a little vague about compass directions inside the synagogue. Let's say the exit door was north. I tossed him north. After about a meter in the air he disappeared. The shock of him disappearing hadn't worn off when he hit him from the south. I'd tossed him north, he'd done a spatial jump two meters south and I'd just thrown him against myself because he reappeared moving in the same direction with the same amount of momentum as when I tossed him.

That was what I figured out in retrospect. At the moment when the lemur hit me I just figured I'd been bushwhacked by one I hadn't seen. I took the fact one had vanished when I tossed him as a good sign and ignored the one on my back to grab two more and toss them towards the door. As they vanished from sight two more hit me from behind. That was when I figured out I needed a new strategy.

"When you toss them one way they come at you from the other," Cat told me.

"I just figured that out," I snarled, trying to get three monkeys off my back.

"You shouldn't do that," she scolded.

"Thank you Ms- OWW!" I retorted.

"You might hurt them. And they're so cute." Cat showed an utter lack of self-preservation skills and actually tickled one under its chin. I briefly paused in fighting the one pulling my hair in hopes of watching Cat get her finger bitten, but the little guy just seemed to appreciate the attention. "Aren't Ooo jus' the cuutest thing," she cooed babytalk to the lemur.

Another lemur pushed the one Cat was tickling to the side and begged for attention, "Don't be so mean," she scolded, but then relented and petted the furry pest.

I had a fourth lemur join those who fighting me. My best guess is that he was trying to suffocate me by shoving guacamole up my nose, but that was just a guess. I've never been very good at guessing what is going on in the male mind – assuming anything is going on in the male mind. I was hearing sounds of struggles from Cat's direction but it seemed like the lemurs were fighting each other for her attention rather than fighting with her. One of the four on me even lept over to join the struggle in front of Cat.

Guys fighting each other for Cat's attention. That was behavior I recognized… Were these lemurs all guys? I wasn't exactly sure how to tell, and didn't have leisure time for an examination of the evidence since someone apparently wanted to tear off my nose.

"Oh!" Cat exclaimed.

"What happened," I managed to ask. She's still my cousin and I didn't want her to get hurt.

"I was scratching one behind both its little ears and it disappeared."

"It'll jump you from behind," I predicted and went back to my own battles.

"I'm going to try it again."

"We need to figure out how to get rid of these things," I warned her.

I was already trying to figure out a cover story if help arrived while we were fighting lemurs when Cat exclaimed, "I did it again with another one! You need to try it."

"You did what? I need to try what?"

"Scratch them behind both ears at once! There're two little bumps and-"

Cat can sometimes miss the obvious. "I'm trying to defend my own ears right now."

"I'm trying this again."

Another of the lemurs on me jumped over to the pack? herd? flock? the bunch begging for the attention of my pretty cousin. With only two attacking me I had time to watch Cat's technique. The little fellow who was blessed with her attention sat, gazing at Cat with a look of adoration as she called it a pretty baby and scratched it behind both ears at once. It made a little chirping sound that might have been worship if I understood lemur and then, like Cat said, it vanished.

After about three more minutes the only lemur who hadn't experienced Cat's transcendental touch was pulling my hair. "Bad baby," she scolded and it jumped to the counter in front of her for its own experience. "Do you think dad would let me keep it?" she asked me.

"Get rid of it," I whispered. "I think I hear someone coming."

Cat sighed and did her ear trick on the lemur.

"We're jumping," I told her looking at the Chrono. Maybe I should have listened to me when I tried to give me directions. I figured I shouldn't try temporal with Dr. Renton in the sanctuary. I'd jump us back to the hotel and worry about time later.

"You said something about setting mass," Cat reminded me.

I didn't have time to figure it closely. I put location bounce at two hours, ignored time bounce, pushed the unfamiliar control to max, threw my arms around Cat, and held her tight as I hit jump.

Thankfully the maid was not cleaning the hotel room when we arrived. A chunk of stainless steel counter top, cabinet front, the edges of two dozen ceramic bowls and a section of electrical cord hit the carpet beside us.

"What happened," she asked, looking at the debris.

"You were standing too close to the counter."

"You could have told me."

"How was I supposed to know?"

"You should've listened to you when you were giving directions."

"Ha! I lie to myself all the time."

The conversation was going nowhere, but Cat can be practical, "Take a shower," she suggested and began gathering the pieces of the kitchen we'd brought with us by accident.

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to hide these behind the ice machine on the floor above us."

I smiled and nodded. I could appreciate low cunning.

"Now hurry up, we've got to get back to the synagogue."

"We've got time, remember? We'll head back about an hour ago – visit that shoe store I recommended – then arrive at the synagogue in time that we couldn't be fighting lemurs in the kitchen."

"Awesome," Cat commented, and headed out.

She helped with my makeup - there were several scratches to cover. I got the settings figured out a little better on the Chrono and we arrived at Trendiqué without problem. I was right, there was a pair of boots to die for, but Cat reminded me we had to get to the synagogue.

I made sure we entered the sanctuary from the opposite side as the kitchen. Some woman was handing Bonnie a gavel and calling her the new head of Sisterhood when the caterers burst in shouting wild animals were in the kitchen. Cat giggled, "They weren't wild." I bumped her with my shoulder and whispered a warning that we weren't supposed to know anything.

Eemah came down from the bema and over to me while the Will organized his expedition to the kitchen. "Where have you been?" she demanded.

"I told you, I went to the bathroom."

"I was in the bathroom too," Cat told her. "We got talking and then Jane showed me around the synagogue."

Eemah looked at me suspiciously, "And that's why you came in a different door than you went out?"

"Exactly," I answered, breathing a sigh of relief that Cat had my back.

"Care to explain why you're wearing a different dress?"

"I…"

"You must be imagining things," Cat told her. "We didn't have that much time."

"Yeah," I agreed. "You're probably remembering a dress I tried on in the hotel this morning."

"Maybe," the parental unit agreed reluctantly, "but you shouldn't have been gone so long."

Cat linked her arm with mine, "Sorry. But you know how it is when best friends get talking."

Cat is not my best friend. Okay, she used to be my best friend. And then she was the first girl in my class to get boobs. Boobs and the attention of all the guys. She says she didn't like guys staring at her all the time, but those of us who didn't get visited by the boob fairy until much later don't believe her. Still, I wasn't about to argue. "Yeah," I seconded, "you don't know where the time goes when you're talking with your best friend."

"You've got lunch to talk, and the party tonight," Eemah reminded me and headed back to the bema for the musaf service.

As Eemah walked away Cat whispered, "You and Junior have to take me on an adventure with you."

"We don't go on 'adventures'. We have missions."

"Okay, I'll go on a mission with you."

"No you won't."

"You just said I could. You said we'll have missions."

"Junior and I have missions. Junior and I… or me… Which is it?"

"I. And you need me for time lemurs. You told yourself you still didn't know how to handle them. I do."

"You were lucky. And it's not all furry little pests."

"I'm good for whatever. It sounds like an adven— mission will be fun."

"They're not fun. They're work."

"Then I'll help. Please?"

Cat gave me that little trembling look that mom sometimes gives Eemah. Eemah calls it the puppy-dog pout and usually caves in. I'm a time cop. I'm made of sterner stuff. I do _not_ cave in. But, I mean, she is my cousin, right? And she was asking please, right? And she could have tried blackmailing me or threatening to tell my moms, right? And besides, I'm a nice person and it seemed fair after she helped me. So don't think I caved for one second when Cat gave me the trembling lips and the moist eyes and the pleading voice. I'm granite. I'm just going to let her see the hard truth. "Fine. You can come on a mission."

"Lots of missions?"

"A mission."

"If I like it?"

"We'll see."

Cat let out a very reserved little squeal of joy – we were in a synagogue after all – and gave me a big hug. "We'll have so much fun!"

There are times I wonder if there might be some kind of insanity connected with the Possible gene. There was no question in my mind that moment. I know we're all crazy.

-The End-

The parties that evening were as successful as reasonably possible. Those in college felt out-of-place at the party for Becky's age group - but equally out-of-place in the adult party with their parents. Two of Ron's co-workers and a clerk from Shego's office embarrassed themselves by getting drunk (videos available) and several children were embarrassed and/or emotionally scarred for life when their parents visited the younger party and danced together before returning to the adult party.

Party favors for Bonnie and Becky were t-shirts in blue or pink with "Rockwaller – Stoppable Bat Mitzvahs" on the front and an ad for the latest movie Bonnie had directed on the back. Shego's friends received green and black hoodies emblazoned with "I went to California for a bat mitzvah and all I got was a lousy hoodie."

Ron, Bonnie, Kim, and Shego had a few minutes together before social responsibilities forced them to mingle with guests. "So, Bonnie," Shego asked, "Tax write-off for the advertising on your t-shirts?"

"Some," she admitted. "I can deduct them as a business expense."

The green woman turned to Kim, "Okay, why no ad for Armstrong, Bennet, Dashwood, and Zinski on mine?"

"I'm not Jewish, remember? How am I supposed to know that?"


End file.
